Archive for ‘satire’

November 29, 2011

IS AARON BLAKE A CHRONIC MASTURBATOR ?

Hey Twitterers…Looking for any kind of information on the useless life of one Aaron Blake of the Washington Post. We’ve heard of rumors concerning the blogger for “The Fix”. We’re merely asking for your help to determine if these rumors are true or not. Maybe they are. Maybe they aren’t. But the public has a right to know, and of course it’s newsworthy.

Is Aaron Blake a chronic masturbator? Does he pick his nose and then eat it? We may have an anonymous source close to Mr. Blake who says he’s underdeveloped in certain areas of his anatomy? The same source may have said he was “messy” as a child and peed in his bed until he was late into his teen years? Can anyone confirm this? We also may have a report of an underage girl who said that Aaron Blake stared at her one time and made her uncomfortable? Have any of his ex-girlfriends thought he was a bit of a creep? Please come forward. We’ll reward you with discarded Washington Post newspapers from staff intern Rajiv’s gerbil cage.

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