Archive for ‘celebrities’

August 3, 2011

IS MATT DAMON ACTUALLY THE MOST IMPOSSIBLY STUPID MAN IN THE UNIVERSE? MORE OF MR. INTRINSICALLY PATERNALISTIC AND OTHER NONSENSICAL GIBBERISH, APROPOS OF NOTHING

The famous quote goes as follows: “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.” Who said it is a matter of some debate. Maybe Abe Lincoln, maybe it goes all the way to the Bible.

Matt Damon has officially dispelled any notions that he’s anywhere near as bright as Mr. Good Will Hunting. I for one had always entertained the idea that Mr. Damon was a pretty clever fellow and somewhat well-read. Boy, have I been disabused of notions. Had them yanked straight out of my callused hands in fact. In the video clip above by video journalist Nicholas Ballasy (check out his site), Matt Damon does a masterful job of revealing his true self to the world, unadulterated and uncut. And, man, it is NOT a pretty sight. After 20-25 long, long years, Matt Damon might have finally unseated Keanu Reeves as the dumbest man in Hollywood (not fair to Reeves, since he should be regarded as the densest man in La La Land, as opposed to dumbest).

It’s shocking how utterly stupid this guy is considering he’s thought of as one of the brainier guys in the entertainment industry. That’s the genius of being an actor. You can say just enough to seem like you know what you’re talking about, and should you find yourself in a situation where your intellectual manhood is called out, you can shy away and slink out the backdoor if need be  (e.g. Damon: “It’s like Einstein’s, ya know, theory of relativity or whatever…..Excuse me? You’re asking me what Einstein’s theory of special relativity is?? Well, uh…uhh…ohh, hey! Look at the time! I’ve got to do a press junket in Phuket for the Adjustment Bureau! My publicist is going to be rushing me out of here any second now otherwise I’d be more than happy to get into it. Maybe next time, okay?…“).

This clip, combined with the earlier ‘intrinsically paternalistic‘ clip, reveals a truth about progressive-liberals-socialists: they desperately desire to be led by one charismatic voice — a handsome, empty vessel — who can emote and deliver lines that sound good or seem passionate and courageous, even if those words are absolutely asinine rubbish with no meaning whatsoever (see: current President). The masses need the eye candy because if they were paying attention to the actual words, they’d run screaming.

Here’s a rushed transcript of Damon’s genius:

QUESTION: Do you agree the wealthy should pay more?

MATT DAMON: “Yes! Yes, the wealthy are paying less than they paid, ya know at any time else certainly in my lifetime. And probably…probably…in the last century. I don’t know what they were paying in the robber….ya  know, in the 20’s. I don’t know what they were paying in the roarin’ twenties. But it’s like ya know,….. it’s uhh…it’s, it’s, it’s like criminal that so little is asked of people who are getting so much. I don’t mind paying more. I really don’t mind paying more taxes.

(So write a check dummy! No one’s stopping you.)

“Um,  I’d rather pay for taxes than cut like, ya know, reading is fundamental or headstart or some of these programs that are really helping kids. Uh, ya know. Uh, why not? This is the greatest country in the world. Is it that much worse if you pay 6% more in taxes? Give me a break, ya know. Look at what you get for it. You get to be an American! Ya know?

I get to be an American! Yeah! Apparently, according to Damon, one is not American by birth. It is by virtue of the progressive income tax that one’s citizenship is established.

QUESTION: What would be the highest for someone like you? [re: taxes that Damon is willing to pay]

MATT DAMON: “Why not..why not…Why not raise it…..per million bucks?……Right? And then cap it somewhere? Right? …So instead of saving $250,000. Because that’s something where people can go, ya know, wait a minute, ya know, will that pinch, ya know, the upper middle class too much? Why not tax the really rich? Guys like me. Or raise it to 50% after $5million dollars.”

(Eat your heart out CATO institute and Paul Krugman. We have a new player in the taxation and economic policy field.)

QUESTION: Do you think the people making $250,000 and above are job creators? Like small business.

MATT DAMON: “Well, I didn’t go start a small business with my tax break.

You don’t own or operate a small business, Matt? How’s Project Greenlight these days? (Out of business?) When was the last time your production company Live Planet made a film? Either you’re not aware you run a small business, you’re so removed from it’s operations that you really don’t run it, or you’re a terrible small business owner. But, to explain it Matt, the idea is that if you’re a small business owner and you have a little extra money in your pocket from a tax break, to increase profits you might consider adding another employee or expanding your company, for example. The idea isn’t necessarily to START a business with your tax cut. The objective is to create jobs with your tax cut.

Uhh, and I don’t know anybody else who did. No! Everybody’s socking their money away.

Do you even know anyone who runs a small business? Why is it always people who know nothing about business who are telling people how to run their businesses?? If small business owners are socking their money away, YOU DO KNOW it’s because they’re probably nervous about investing it during an uncertain Obama-economy.

That did not create any…nobody went and started a business with their Bush tax cut. Ya know? I don’t know who would believe something…that just defies common sense. So no…uh..no..uh, no. I was against those tax cuts. Thought they were ridiculous. So little is asked of the upper class anyway…

This last  sequence of answers should haunt Matt Damon for the rest of his life, because in a span of seconds Matt Damon reveals himself in stark, crystal-clear DVD quality: MATT DAMON has NO IDEA what the hell he’s talking about. He doesn’t understand the question, he doesn’t understand capitalism, he doesn’t know what a small business is or how they work. Just to be clear: Matt Damon isn’t just a moron in the sense that he has bad ideas (i.e. leftist notions). He’s a knucklehead because he is talking out of his a**.

Janeane Garofalo, for all her faults (and there are too many to list here) can at least speak her Marxist gibberish with a functioning sentence. Garofalo, at least, has some idea of where she’s going in a given argument. It may be a cold, dark, bitter, sad place filled with kittens, but it’s a vector. Damon has gone his entire life basically with Zinn’s People’s History and The Chomsky Reader as his sole navigators in life, and he’s regurgitating only what he’s read there (and apparently he hasn’t read them as deeply as one would assume). It’s sad. Matt Damon is JUST LIKE the fictional pony-tailed douchebag he punked in his fictional movie:

Damon knows how to cut the pose of an informed leftist, but he’s actually the guy who doesn’t know enough or isn’t clever enough to B.S. properly. He’s just making stuff up like a 12-year old mugging for the camera: “Taxes?? Ummmm, I think we should—ummmm, TAX EVERYONE A GAZILLION DOLLARS! I’D PAY IT!” Damon resembles one of those sad saps on Jay Leno’s man-on-the-street interviews where Jay asks passerby’s easy current event questions, and then embarrasses them by confronting them with their ignorance. Same thing here, except Damon has no idea he’s ignorant as all get out and he continues posing for the camera with the boyish grin as if his bowel movements are magic.

There’s no sense of shame with guys like Damon. Rather than acknowledge they know not that of which they speak, they keep talking pure idiocy. The guy can’t just say, “Hey, honestly, I’m not informed enough on this issue to give you a well thought out answer. Sorry.” There’s honor in that approach, but Damon doubles down on trite leftist platitudes. This is the guy who was ripping on Sarah Palin about dinosaurs?! This guy???

ATTENTION MATT DAMON: YOU’RE NO GENIUS.

Here’s Chris Isaak in a Washington Post interview illustrating how anyone with common sense should answer a political question (take notes Mr. “Intrinsically Paternalistic”):

WAPO: Maybe you could draw on your student council experience to help sort out the enormous budget crisis in California. Any remedy for it?

ISAAK: I don’t think we want a remedy for it. The less the government has to spend, the better off we’ll be. But I should say that I, and the rest of entertainers, don’t know a god-durned nothing about policies. We’re too busy self-aggrandizing to come up with any solutions. It’s amazing how many entertainers can find time between adopting children to tell you how to live your life.

Nice job, Mr. Isaak (and, is it just me, or did he sound a touch libertarian?). I tip my hat to you, Mr. Solitary Man. And, in your honor, a duet with Stevie Nicks:

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July 31, 2011

MATT DAMON GETS IN CHARACTER AS WILL HUNTING AND ATTEMPTS TO ANSWER QUESTION:

Matt Damon on job security and the teaching profession: “See, you take this MBA style thinking, right? It’s the problem with ed. policy right now. Is this intrinsically paternalistic view of problems that are much more complex than that.”

So rather than addressing the woman’s question, he’s basically trying to brow-beat her with his homespun Cambridge-style ‘er South Boston style street tough routine, as he did in 1997 as Will Hunting. He could just say, “I think you’re oversimplifying the issue.” But, noooo. He’s MAATTT DAAAMONNN. So he has to unnecessarily spruce up his sentences with uuhhh, well uhh,  paternalistically paternal view is  intrinsically intrinsic in so far as the, well heretofore, as previously mentioned in the affidavit, concerning the complexity of the issues, so say one, so say you all.  Certainly sounds like he’s winning some sort of an argument.

Damon continues: “It’s like saying a teacher is going to get lazy when they get tenure.”

Uhhhhh, yeah, right.What hogwash to assume that public employees get lazy on the job once they know they can’t get fired. What bullpuckey!?

Here’s how Will Hunting circa 1997 might have responded to Matt Damon ‘2011:

INT. MATT DAMON’S CAMBRIDGE HOME — DAY

MATT DAMON RESTS COMFORTABLY BETWEEN WILL HUNTING’S LEGS, GENTLY APPLYING LOTION. THEY’RE IN THE MIDDLE OF AN ARGUMENT.

DAMON: A teacher wants to teach. I mean, why else would you take a shitty salary and really long hours, and, and, and do that job………unless you really loved to do it.

WILL: Because maybe you like your job. Or maybe you don’t. Maybe you got into it for the idealistic and romantic view of being some kind of a Jaime Escalante type Stand and Deliver teacher who gets a class of kids to ace differential calculus exams.  But the reality is, three years in, you’re just a broke down, glorified baby-sitter with permanently sewn in sweat stains, making next to nothing, playin’ wet nurse to a group of latchkey kids and hoppers down in Roxbury, who’d sooner split your head open at a Denny’s than give you an apple, and you’re thinkin’ to yourself, ‘this job market sucks. what else can i do? where else can i find some decent job security?’ but by then you’re too tired to do anything else involving a resume on careerbuilder.com, and you start doing the math — maybe you can tough it out, herd this cattle of future welfare cases and meth heads, and pretty soon you’ll have enough tenure to retire and occasionally take a cruise to some tropical isle while your former students are either holding up a liquor mart in Malden, serving a dime for assault or money laundering — take your pick — all the while your eldest child is now in the same freakin’ school you teach at, and what you really want to do is send him to a decent private school, anywhere but the craphole you teach at, only you’re against school vouchers like the good little progressive that you are, and the one student you spent all your time and effort to get through to, the one student who you thought would make it all worth while, just got knocked up by your worst student, and 15 years from now their kid is going to walk into your youngest kid’s high school and shank him in the groin during detention just for the hell of it. and while you’re in the morgue waiting to  ID the body, you’re thinking ‘i worked all these years in the U.S. public education system for an unfulfilling job with a shitty salary, but, hey, at least i can lie to people and tell them i love what i do for a living, and maybe they’ll believe it…’

so, yeah, most teachers with guaranteed pay and little incentive are going to take the path of least resistance, because the system knows it’s not worth your time and effort to reach these students or give it your all. it’s called a misallocation of your time and resources. no one else gives a f*** so why should you? you get tenure, why shouldn’t you get lazy like every other g**d*** public school teacher, nay public employee,  in the greater boston area…”

MATT DAMON: MATT DAAAMONNN!

FADE TO BLACK

July 29, 2011

GEORGE LOPEZ: If Sarah Palin becomes President, I’m moving to Canada

THE DARJEELING EXPRESS: You promise?

Now which one of these cats is George Lopez again?

May 23, 2011

HOLLYWOOD CELEBRITIES: Noted Pie-Humper Has Issues Forming Cogent Thoughts

Actor Jason Biggs, of American Pie fame, has the longest three minutes of his life. This video is the reason people shouldn’t speak about things they’ve done no due diligence on. A simple “honestly, I don’t know enough to give you an informed opinion” would suffice. Instead we get something as painful as the sight of his pasty derriere on a kitchen counter abusing a perfectly decent piece of pie.

May 23, 2011

STRAIGHT TALK: Lick it up!

Gene Simmons 2012?

“I think he’s actually a nice guy. He has no idea what the world is like, because he doesn’t have to live there.”  — Gene Simmons on Obama’s Israel policy. Sounds like Gene, master of marketing and branding that he is, is trying to open Kiss to the Tea Party demo.