Archive for November, 2011

November 30, 2011

THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO ‘HOLY CRAP, IS THAT TRUE?? IT IS, ISN’T IT?’: Only One Person Has Ever Admitted to Having Sex with Barry Obama (and it’s a MAN Baby, YEAHHH!)

For all the talk of mistresses, ex-wives, interns, porn stars, and jolly good times, it reminds us of how lucky we are to have a President in Barack Obama who’s never had any lusty babes come forward to admit having had an affair with him. No porn stars in his past. No Chicago strippers. No formerly perky college coeds. No law students who had a brief fling with the Urkel-esque constitutional law lecturer. No seedy females recollecting a one night stand. No hippie chick yoga instructors. No women from adulfriendfinder with a particular fetish for interracial sex. Seriously? No white chicks in Barack Obama’s past? No relationships before M’Obama with now famous TV Journalists who knew Barry back in college. Not one. No one? Not nobody?

Not. A. One. And we’d know if there had been one since the media surely would have reported on it. Because they’re objective and they follow the story wherever it leads. They’d never bury an Obama story.

(Hey ladiieeees, Sidebar:…What do you make of a guy who basically seems to have no sexual history whatsoever? I’m just asking. He’s not a hardcore fundamentalist Christian. He’s not Muslim (allegedly). He’s a freewheeling atheist (for all intents and purposes), but he has no history with women. What would you make of a guy like that ladies? Be honest. What. Is. Up. With a guy like that? This slender, somewhat effeminate Urkel who enjoys giving people the impression that he’s into art and culture.

)

In one of the Bill Ayers autobiographies, Dreams something something, the main character “Barry” — friend of the Chicanos, Marxists, structural feminists and punk-rock performance poets — did in fact have a white girlfriend. I recall this from my  Dreams something something bookclub. But I think she died while trying to detonate a bomb in her NYC apartment, no? As I recall, she lost track of the red and green wires while watching a new episode of Welcome Back Kotter.

What we’re really saying here is it’s just oh-so-curious that in all of human history not one person has ever admitted to having had so much as a Lewinsky with Barry Obama.

Except for one……..

And suddenly…doesn’t Larry Sinclair seem credible? Worthy of a second look? I’m sure Brian Williams, Stephaloplolpolous, and the Po’-Litico will be all over it.

All this talk of dudes with penises hooking up with dudes with penises reminded me of the famous 1992 film “The Crying Game”.  Take a good hard look at the young lady in the movie poster below. Look carefully at the woman’s face. No, look carefully. You look but you do not see. Look at the outline of her face. Look again. Do you see it?

:::The Crying Game/The Sixth Sense/The Usual Suspects moment of twists, epiphany, and revelation:::

What I’m saying is that’s Barack Obama in the picture. Barack Obama IS Jaye Davidson and Jaye Davidson IS Barack Obama.

Barack Obama is actually a transsexual people. Once you begin to slowly accept this — once you’re in that haze of bewilderment, shock, and awe — then and only then should you play the Boy George:

*No problem with Obama being gay or transsexual, by the way.  It’s the Marxist thing that is and always has been the issue.

November 29, 2011

TIM HUNTSMAN-MANIA!!! (Limping through back alleys in Concord, New Hampshire)

According to Rasmussen, Rob Huntsman, former Governor of Utah, Obama apparatchik, and ex-frontman for Wizard, has surged in the New Hampshire polls to 4th place at a whopping 11%. Using his unconventional ‘cockroaches shall inherit the Earth’ strategy, Huntsley has been able to avoid the nuclear barrage of scrutiny heaped on the other GOP candidates. Like a postman sneaking in through the back window of a married woman’s home to satiate his fetish for women’s undergarments, Hunsacker has finally sniffed his way into double digits in a state that Beltway Insiders (meaning Karl Rove and his buddies) consider to be vital in the 2012 nomination process (though it’s still ranked in the 40s when it comes to size, population, and land size).

Here is the last known photo of Tom Huntsman (D-Utah):

When reached for comment MSNBC anchor, Chris Matthews said, “We’re all fans of this guy Doug Huntsman. You know what he reminds me of? He reminds me of those old style Republicans who used to exist in my memory but may have never actually existed in reality. He’s a handsome guy. That’s important to me, by the way. You want to have a leader you can imagine hooking up with your wife while you’re listening from the closet. That kind of stuff is important to a hard-working, blue collar stiff like me. Plus,  Mark Huntsman has that great complexion and that little spike of silver his hair that all men of great importance have.”

Once off his tangent, Matthews continued, “This is huge. If Bill Huntsman can get 4th place in the New Hampshire primary, he’ll basically have cinched the GOP nomination right then and there. I know my network will treat him like the putative GOP nominee-elect and we’ll be pushing that meme hard. That’s our job dammit!”

November 29, 2011

IS AARON BLAKE A CHRONIC MASTURBATOR ?

Hey Twitterers…Looking for any kind of information on the useless life of one Aaron Blake of the Washington Post. We’ve heard of rumors concerning the blogger for “The Fix”. We’re merely asking for your help to determine if these rumors are true or not. Maybe they are. Maybe they aren’t. But the public has a right to know, and of course it’s newsworthy.

Is Aaron Blake a chronic masturbator? Does he pick his nose and then eat it? We may have an anonymous source close to Mr. Blake who says he’s underdeveloped in certain areas of his anatomy? The same source may have said he was “messy” as a child and peed in his bed until he was late into his teen years? Can anyone confirm this? We also may have a report of an underage girl who said that Aaron Blake stared at her one time and made her uncomfortable? Have any of his ex-girlfriends thought he was a bit of a creep? Please come forward. We’ll reward you with discarded Washington Post newspapers from staff intern Rajiv’s gerbil cage.

November 28, 2011

BYE, BYE BARNEY…

I’m not going to miss you so and I’m glad you had to go….

Barney Frank — friend to Fannie — calls it a career. Frank will spend time rebuilding a floundering prostitution business out of his Newton, Mass bachelor pad.

(NECN: “Barney Frank Not Running For Reelection“)

November 27, 2011

S.A.T. ANALOGY — Tim Tebow is to Sarah Palin as Ryan Leaf is to Barack Obama

Two of these individuals defy the expectations of a deranged media that, at once, hates them and is obsessed with them. In spite of it all both have miraculously found ways to be successful, and inspired legions of followers in the process; much to the dismay of their aggressively, hostile critics. To be sure, there are appropriate critiques of their shortcomings, but they seem to take it all in with unabashed optimism and good cheer. They also happen to be people of Faith.

The bottom two are much ballyhooed over-hyped busts with miserable performances and a record of failure. Both men have dealt with their inadequacies by blaming everyone else but themselves, and both have vented their frustrations with sneering displays of anger (Leaf, Obama).  It’s been known for quite some time but let’s make it official — Barack Obama IS the Ryan Leaf of politics.

Read Tebow, Palin, and the Pain of Remorse at the American Thinker.

November 26, 2011

KNOW YOUR MASK: The Guy Fawkes Edition

88% of OWS identify the masks as a character from “V for Vendetta”

78% of OWS participants think Guy Fawkes is a French porn star

44% of respondents wear the mask to hide horrible acne.

12% have gotten laid wearing just the mask during the 2 minute duration of intercourse.

We here at the Darjeeling Express are actually thankful for the Guy Fawkes mask, because the truth is Marxists, anarchists, and progressives in general are not very good looking people. We hope they all continue to fight the Man and express their individuality by wearing the same exact mask created for them by some corporation they hate.

We’re always amused by leftists co-opting traditions and symbols they don’t understand. Some of our other favorites:

Living in squalor and filth to emulate third world poverty.

Pretending to be into bland International cuisine.

The fascination with yoga and Hari Krishnas.

The Nazi Symbol

November 26, 2011

MSNBC ANCHOR PUTS OUT COLORING BOOK

“I’ve written so many books the past few years,” said Morning Joe co-anchor Mika Brzezinski over milk and chocolate chip cookies. “It’s so wonderful to constantly challenge myself with my craft.”

“My latest book is definitely my most challenging project. It really gets to the core of who I am and what informs my belief system as a professional and objective news journalist with no bias whatsoever.”

 

November 24, 2011

MARTYR OF THE WEEK: TATYANA LIMANOVA

The Russian news anchor was sacked for doing what most Americans reflexively do when they hear the words Barack Obama.

Here’s commentary from our unofficial youtube correspondent, isayitlikeitis:

Truth of the matter is, there’s been an outbreak all over the country of the phenomenon called Obama Bird Flicking syndrome that has been unreported by the media. What CDC researches didn’t realize until the Limanova situation is that giving Obama the middle finger might in fact be a pandemic.

Our Sports editor, Gaurav, was at hhgreggs the other day looking for a flat screen when Obama’s giant, graying noggin appeared on multiple big screens, 1984 style, for a presser. Gaurav gave Obama’s HD face the double-barrel middle finger action and he didn’t even realize it. “It was like Tourette’s or something,” he said. “I just couldn’t help it. There I was at hhgreggs with both my arms high in the air, flicking Obama’s mug multiple birds. One of the sales reps walks by with this look of concern, and I’m thinking he’s about to kick me out of the store or something, and he says to me, ‘I hear ya, bro’.”

Nazi’s gave Hitler the sieg heil. Libyans gave Qhaddafi a little sodomy action with a wooden stick. We give Obama the Bird. Perfectly natural (and civil, I might add), and a lady as lovely as Tatyana (or Tatiana) Limanova shouldn’t get fired over it. Give her Shepard Smith’s 7pm ET slot on FNC right before Bill-O.

November 24, 2011

CO-A**HOLES OF THE WEEK: Piers “La Douche” Morgan and Mark Kelly

From Newsbusters: “Although it’s long been proved that Sarah Palin and so-called violent political rhetoric had absolutely nothing to do with January’s tragic shootings in Tucson, Arizona, CNN’s Piers Morgan felt it was necessary to bring her up during Wednesday’s interview with Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords’ (D-Ariz.) husband.

For his part, astronaut Mark Kelly was only too happy to take the bait and run with it.

Some quick notes. One — If Jared Loughner — who shot Gabby Giffords in the head — wasn’t in jail today, he’d belong to the 99% of the Occupy Wall Street movement. He’s a psycho nut-job. He’s a zombie who belongs to the progressive bowel movement. He’d fit right in with the fleabaggers and the tent people. He belongs to the long tradition of knuckleheaded Leftists who shoot at the White House, take dumps on police cars, rape women, and invite pepper spray into their  eyes.

Two — Piers is an a**hole for always instigating celebrities and his guests to answer questions they don’t know anything about or going places they don’t need to go. Sarah Palin has been out of the news. Why bring her up again? Every single chance these nutjobs get, they look for an opportunity to rail on Palin. It’s beyond boring or gauche. I would love to hate Sarah Palin, but you idiots in Hollywood and the media have made it utterly impossible for me. I end up admiring her more and thinking less and less of you psychos.

Hey celebs, do you want to know how to handle questions you don’t know anything about? Check out the way Mickey Rourke subtly tells Piers Morgan to go fly a kite on a Barack Obama question. Morgan is baiting Rourke as he does with so many celebs to declare themselves Obama loving progressives. He’s looking for an opportunity to bash conservatives. This ain’t the 1980s, Piers. No one in this country gives a damn what celebs think anymore. Because we know half of being a great actor involves them being blank slates, also known as Morons.

Third — Mark Kelly. You’re an astronaut. That’s awesome. Your wife is recovering. That’s spectacular and I’m so happy for the both of you. You’re on the Piers Morgan show promoting something. Fine. If you’d stopped there, we’d be square.

But then you had to humor Piers Morgan with the Palin bashing. You used Palin’s name in your book to sell your book. You’re basically using your stature in the media to make more and more middle-Americans hate on Palin. That’s your objective. You’re doing the bidding of the Democrat party. There’s no need for that and it actually tells me quite a bit about you. So you know what Mark Kelly? For shamelessly using Palin as your pinata, for cynically coarsening the political discourse, and for being a willing pawn in Piers Morgan’s game of “Doesn’t Sarah Palin Suck?”: You’re an a**hole of the week (and I also genuinely hope your wife’s recovery continues).

(h/t: Newsbusters)

PIERS MORGAN, HOST: Some interesting insights in the book into who, you know, walked to the plate and who didn’t, really, in terms of political colleagues and people that she had worked for and against. Sarah Palin doesn’t come out of this very well, I don’t think, because there was a woman who at the time had been putting these cross hair things on her website and stuff, including Gabby.

And in her haste to take responsibility didn’t even bother to pick the phone up, to write, do anything.

MARK KELLY: Yeah, we were never contacted by her.

Riiiigght….and if she had called, you would have said, “Can you believe THAT woman had the nerve to call to apologize??” Why would she contact you? She had nothing to do with you people.
MORGAN: I find that extraordinary.
KELLY: Yeah, I was surprised too. You know, certainly the targets that she put over Gabby’s and other people’s districts, in our opinion, was not the right thing to do. She is not the first person to do that. And it hasn’t always been Republicans that have done that.”
They were surveyor points. NOT TARGETS. So the guy admits the “targets” have been used before (see: Beckel, Bob), but then he acts all butthurt that he didn’t get a phone call from Palin. Your wife is in the hospital fighting for her life, and you expect me to believe that at some point you were expecting a call from Sarah Palin? (BTW, your wife was shot THIS year back in January. How did you have the time to come up with a book?)
So then the Royal Duchess of Doucheberry, not feeling Kelly had adequately burned the former mayor of Wasilla, instigates Kelly further…..

MORGAN: I liked your line about it, which is if you had had the chance to talk to [Palin], and you were expecting to, you weren’t going to say that you were responsible. But you were going to say, you’ve been irresponsible.

KELLY: Yeah, that’s my plan. You know, this was no surprise to us. Gabby even spoke about it before January 8th, during the election cycle, leading up to the election, in an interview. I think it might have been on MSNBC or some other — another cable news network. She made is very clear that, hey, this is what’s going on, and this could ultimately incite people to do violent things. So it wasn’t a big surprise on January 8th that — you know, that we — you know, where we knew this map existed with the cross-hairs on it. Now, having said that, you know, Sarah Palin certainly is not responsible for what happened. But I think the angry rhetoric in an election year is not — it’s not helpful.

This illustrates one of the fundamental differences between Leftists and the rest of us: Accountability. Some of us want to be responsible for our own individual behavior. We accept that life isn’t perfect or necessarily fair. Sometimes bad things happen to good people. Evil does exist in the world (there’s no relativism about it and there’s no need to look for psychological explanations as to why people are crazy). We can accept that guns exist. Danger and risk are a part of the world. We accept our role in the world and don’t need to  be protected from every little danger. Sometimes dodgeballs hit us in the face. It happens. We get right back up, find a ball, and throw it right back. It’s a part of the game, and nothing to cry about. We accept “target” symbols for what they are, and when the cosmic forces align such that Gabby Giffords gets shot by a psychopath, we have enough savvy about the world to not act like weasels, and blame Sarah Palin for every little thing.
November 23, 2011

AWWW, SHE’S ALL GROWED UP: Sooo cute. Look a the little girl using daddy’s connections to get a job! Awwww, how adorable! Who’s a trust fund baby? Who’s an unqualified hack? You are! No! You are! Awww…

DAVE ZURAWIK : on Chelsea Clinton’s new job with NBC and whether she deserved it: “What we are really talking about here is a child of incredible privilege who refused to talk to the press and now decides she wants to be a “special” member of that group?

As for being “remarkable” and a person of such great achievement, listen, if you are 31 years old and able to go to school full time without working as she is and still haven’t earned your Ph.D., well, let’s just say maybe what you need is to learn how to focus your energies on a dissertation — not a diversionary job at NBC in a discipline for which you have shown nothing but contempt.

As for her “uncommon understanding of humanity,” let’s just be kind and blame it on too much blood running to Brian Williams head the last time he bowed to the President.